Self discovery: Identify your core values

Hi, welcome to the third day of The Leads Intellectual challenge: a 30-day intellectual challenge with Fatai Kareem. If you would like to know the process involved in discovering your true self, read the second day challenge.

Today, he will be discussing how you can identify your core values. How do you make a choice in a challenging situation? Why do you care about something while you don't care about other things? Why do you feel fulfilled at something while you don't at other things? What is most important to you in life? How can you identify it?

Well, identifying your core values and living by them are important for living a fulfilled and authentic life. What are your values?

Your values are the principles that guide your choices, decisions and actions. They are those things that are most important to you, give meaning to your life, and allow you to endure tough times. They determine your priorities and necessities. When things you do and the way you live align with your values, you feel good and have peace of mind. But when they don't align with your values, you feel bad and troubled. This can come in form of self-defense, worry, stress, confusion, regret, disappointment, shame or embarrassment.

Your values give you a sense of direction, clarity and integrity by guiding your decision on how to spend your time, what to pay attention to, where to direct your energy and resources based on what really matters to you. You are proud of them, so you find yourself to uphold them, and associate yourself with things and people who also have them. They make you feel happy and fulfilled.

When something good happens to someone or something you value, you feel good. And when something bad happens to them, you feel bad. Otherwise is the case for something or someone you don't value: you don't care about them. However, there are times you claim to value someone or something, but you find it hard to show them care. This may be the case when you have discrepancy between the values you have and those ones you wish you have. And this can lead you into trouble as your actions may be different from what you claim to value. Therefore, you need to identify your core values. How can you identify your core values?

Identifying your core values involves being able to discern those things that really matter to you. These are things that serve as the basis of your choices and decisions as expressed by your actions. Therefore, reflect on how you responded to the following situations:

1. Identify those moments when you were happiest. What were you doing? 

2. Identify those moments when you were most fulfilled. What desire or need was fulfilled?

3. Identify those moments when you were most proud? What were you proud of?

4. Identify those moments when you had to make tough decisions. What did you choose at the expense of other things?

5. Identify those moments when you were most focused, energised, ready for the task and organised? What gave you the strength?

6. Identify those moments when you were greatly scared of what could happen. What were you scared of losing?

7. Identify those moments when your action, choice or decision looked perfect. What made it perfect?

8. Identify your most painful or challenging times. Why did you persevere?

9. Identify those moments when you were greatly disappointed, ashamed, embarrassed or hurt by what you did. What was the best thing you could have done?

10. Identify those moments when you had to support some people or things. Why did you support them?

11. Identify those people or things you love the most. What do you love or admire the most about them?

Then, list out those values identified. Evaluate them to determine the three values that are: 

 • the values that matter to you most. No matter  how tough or challenging the situation is, you can not trade  these values for anything;

 • the values that make you feel happy, proud and  fulfilled the most;

 • the values that describe you best.

These three values are your core values. They are the values that you cherish the most; they represent the true picture of who you are. Other values maybe part of your personal values. However, when your core values and other personal values are in conflict, your core values rules.

Identifying your values makes you to know your pattern of choice and decision-making, and gives you a sense of clarity and integrity. It helps you to live an authentic and happy life. However, it is possible to have positive value and/or negative value. How will you identify negative value?

 • it makes you to do things at the detriment of other people and the society.

 • it does not contribute to your personal growth.

 • it exposes you to greater risk and danger because it does not make you to care about the consequence of your actions.

 • you have little control over it, hence it makes you feel disturbed often.

Therefore, there is need for you to re-evaluate the value for you to be happier and more responsible.

Case study

1. Haris has been warned by his doctor to stop travelling abroad due to his health condition. But adventure is one of his personal values which always makes him to feel like travelling abroad. If he decides to travel abroad, what kind of value does he have? What can he do to make a better decision in this kind of situation?

2. Khadija doesn't value competition. However, she gets an offer to work in a highly competitive marketing company with high pay. If she accepts the offer, will she feel fulfilled at work? How will her value affects her performance? Will her performance affect the company?

3. Bola is a project manager with 5 people working on a project. 3 out of these 5 people value teamwork while others value individuality. Bola has four tasks to be executed by these people. Two tasks require 2 or 3 people to perform them. While the remaining tasks can be performed by one person respectively. If she assigns the task that requires being performed by a team to someone that values individuality, how will it affect the success of the task? How best can Bola assign the tasks to those people?

4. Hua and Mio are lovers. Hua values money,  hence works hard for it. While Mio values being caring and always asks for it from her lover. Hua claims to love Mio, but he doesn't make time for her. How can this affect their relationship? What can they do to feel fulfilled and happy in the relationship?

Disclaimer: All names used are for illustration purpose.

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