Self discovery: Know the process involved

Hi, welcome to the second day of The Leads Intellectual challenge: a 30-day Intellectual challenge with Fatai Kareem. If you would like to know how you can get started on discovering who you truly are, read the first day challenge.

Today, he will be discussing the process of self discovery. Have you been thinking about what to do after practising self-reflection exercises? Are you bothering about how you can discover yourself? Are you having difficulty relating with other people? You are confused about the career that suits you best? 

Well, having a better understanding of the process of self discovery will help you solve these challenges. What are the processes involved in self discovery?

Based on my observation, experience and research, I realised that self discovery involves four processes, which are self awareness, purpose discovery, interest awareness and self knowledge. I call them "SPIK".

S - Self-awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively through self-evaluation and self-analysis. It is a process by which you gain insightful understanding of how your thoughts and feelings affect your decisions and actions. It makes you to understand your values, tendency, personality and beliefs.

Self-awareness requires self-evaluation (the ability to focus your attention on your inner self) and self-analysis (the ability to carefully examine the reason for behaving in a particular manner).

Being self-aware makes you to understand whether you are thinking, feeling and acting as you should or you follow your standards and values. Hence, this makes you to see the discrepancy between yourself and your standards, thereby making you to take necessary action to correct the discrepancy. Likewise, it makes you clearly and objectively see yourself from within; what you are doing wrong that needs to be corrected; what you are doing right that needs to be done well; and how you can handle negative thoughts and emotions and external forces with respect to your guiding principles, standards and values.

To be self-aware, you need to pay attention to your thoughts, feelings and actions, and carefully examine the reason for such, in order to gain an insight into what you are doing right or wrong and necessary actions to be taken. You can engage yourself in self-evaluation as follows:

When you don't get the desirable result from what you do, evaluate yourself to see where you are getting it wrong. If you don't have what it takes to get it done desirably, then acquire the necessary skills.

When you are being treated the way you don't want, evaluate the way you also treat that person. If you are at fault, correct your faults and discuss the way forward for both of you.

When you don't feel motivated, excited and inspired to take opportunity, evaluate your emotions. This could be due to fear of failure. Then, change your thought of "what if I fail" to  "what if I succeed".

When you feel disappointed in yourself, evaluate your actions. It maybe that you are acting in ways different from your guiding principles and values. Identify your values and act by them.

In whatever situation you find yourself, be self-aware by evaluating and analysing your inner self.

P - Purpose discovery

Your purpose is the deepest expression of who you are. It is the reason for your being. Discovering your purpose involves knowing the reason for your being; knowing the reason for having certain skills, strength or experience, which in turn leads to your hope and dreams for the future. It is what gives meaning to your thoughts, feelings and actions, hence giving you the strength to fulfill your dreams.

Your purpose is what makes you feel like you could spend your entire life learning about something and acting on purpose. If you feel like quitting because things are not working out well, consider this experience as a learning opportunity. The skills, strength and experience you have are meant for fulfilling your purpose. The hope and dreams you have gotten are meant to be explored and fulfilled. Therefore, take your time to explore different areas of life to discover how your purpose can be fulfilled.

To discover your purpose, try to define your "ikigai": a Japanese term meaning "the reason for being". That is, define that thing that is the common ground of what you love to do, what you are good at, what you can get paid for and what the world needs from you.

I - Interest awareness

Understanding what gives you energy to do more and what drains your energy is the essence of being aware of your interest. Doing those activities that you are interested in and passionate about gives you the energy to do more. It makes you enjoy doing these activities even if there is no other reward involved except that enjoyment. This enjoyment gives you the intrinsic motivation required to keep moving in a positive direction with a lot of energy and enthusiasm.

To be aware of your interest, reflect on those things you enjoy doing that you would like to be doing everyday everytime even without being paid. The more of these activities you do that bring you joy and happiness, the better you feel about yourself and your life.

K - Self knowledge

Having a full understanding of your true self, thereby knowing what to do and what you are not to do in every situation you find yourself is the essence of self knowledge. It involves being able to apply your knowledge of yourself to everything you do. You truly know your patterns, triggers, pleasures and pains, and how to control them. You are not being controlled, instead you are in control of your thoughts, feelings and actions. You say "yes" when necessary. You do things based on who you truly are. Therefore, you live a fulfilled life.

Learn as much as you can about yourself. Take tests that will help you to know how much you know yourself. Know your true self and act on purpose. Reflect on things you feel, think about and do. And always be yourself and respect other people as well.

Case study

1. Terry lacks confidence in his ability. He always rejects opportunities that come his way. FT just got him a high paying job. As a close friend of Terry, how can you help him take the job? Will his low self-esteem affect his performance? How can you help him perform well?

2. Berlin and Sulia are good friends. However, they just got into a bitter disagreement. Berlin had to insult Sulia bitterly. Sulia was really hurt that her close friend could do such to her. Meanwhile, some months ago, Sulia messed up with Berlin's dress, which made her to miss her interview. And she repeated the same thing this time. Who is at fault? Can they do better with their friendship?

3. Brain, an intelligent and physically challenged guy, always finds himself in situations where he is undermine. This gives him more reasons to speak for himself and other people like him. Due to his Intelligence, people listen to him. However, he feels like quitting because things are not working the way he wants. Meanwhile, he has helped 10 other people like him to get admitted into high school. His dream is to see physically challenged individuals being respected like every other person. Should he quits? As a close friend of Brain, how can you make him realise his purpose?

4. Julie is a girl who loves to sing, but her parents want her to study Finance. If she could choose what she would do less or not at all, Finance would be that thing. If she studies Finance, will she feel fulfilled at it? As a guidance, how can you make her parents understand the implication of their decision in her life?

Disclaimer: All names used are for illustration purpose. 

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